- Don’t answer unknown numbers
- If you have a voicemail from a debt collector, don’t listen to it
- If you answer the phone and it’s a debt collector, laugh haughtily whilst wearing unicorn fur coats and marinating your manicure in mermaid caviar and say “You’ll never get that money”
- Say “my darling” after harsh statements to soften the blow and seem demure
- “You’ll never get that money, my darling”
- Call out rich people’s advice like “drink smoothies” or “drink smoothies” for being classist
- Smoothies are just food mushed up
- Change your phone number
- Answer the phone and say “wrong number”
- Debtor’s prisons can be sexy if you have a PMA
- Go to the ER with a panic attack for free sedation
- Everything is free
- Ignore your bills
- Money is fake
- You know those surreal vivid dreams you have that feel like an alternate universe?
- Say “You know how atoms are mostly empty space? So, we are empty space. So, all of this is nothing. And that’s how much I’m paying you.”
- I don’t know you, really
- And I scrubbed the eggy remains off your partially eaten brunch
- And I breathed in the dust of your skin from your donated clothes
- I ate hot dogs as meals for days because they were free
- And I don’t know you really
Like this:
Like Loading...
Related
