what gives you pleasure and what matters? i spent a long day doing nothing really. tagging along on errands, birthdays, parent dinners of friends. “just hanging out” – j says she’s concerned bc she doesn’t have a thing anymore. she just hangs out. but isn’t that valuable? isn’t all we are our compassion, presence, care?

id be sunburnt if not for spf 50 mist over an spf 30 lotion and hiding from the raw light of mid-afternoon.  depression comes roiling after me most desperately in the afternoon light. it doesn’t make any sense but it is so real and, if i doubt it, it’s proven to me again in less than 24 hours. that’s how days work. the earth and sun moving and all that.

i have a vision of an art performance piece of a person mentioning terrible predictions  and also massive gratitude and then reflexively looking around to knock on wood but they are in a tiny room and everything is made of plastic. and god sits above and laughs laughs laughs.

i am in bed with graybie who is distracted by a moth. how can cute things murder? i like that cute things murder. the paradox is calming.

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